Britain First’s laughably inadequate parliamentary candidate, Jayda ‘The gob’ Fransen will be taking avian advice this Saturday.
Given her evident inability to understand and use the English language it’s no surprise that the event appears to have been planned following yet another catastrophic misunderstanding. When Paul ‘The bigot’ Golding suggested learning from an experienced Aryan the hapless Jayda heard ‘avian’ instead. Unsure of the word’s meaning she immediately picked up her hardly used copy of ‘My first dictionary’ and after some hard concentration managed to work out that it had something to do with birds.
More hard concentration followed until Ms Fransen remembered something she’d seen on the telly years before. Once upon a time she’d watched a documentary about a wise old bird called ‘Owl’. The documentary’s presenter, a softly spoken, inoffensive little bear named ‘Pooh’ and his sidekick, Christopher, had both agreed that owls undoubtedly must be ‘the cleverestest birds’. So Jayda set out to look for owls.
When she found some owls she would ask them……. well……. she hadn’t quite decided what to ask the owls but since these wise avians seem to know everything anyway that wouldn’t be a problem. She could just ask the owls what she should ask the owls and then she could ask the owls what the owls had said she should ask the owls? Simples!!
But how to attract a group of owls to speak with her? She’d need to find a good, owl-friendly spot that was used to hosting owley meetings. Jayda’s brow furrowed as, for the third time that morning, she concentrated hard. That must’ve been a record for Ms Gobby of Fransen who normally worked really, really hard at not thinking at all.
Eventually a single word found its way into her otherwise empty head and sort of ‘hung’ there, alone in the blankness, waiting to be noticed. Unused to recognising thoughts (she’d had so few before) it took Jayda a little while to notice the word but when she did it was as though a light had been turned on inside her darkling mind. The word was ‘Owlsmoor’.
She could have gone back to her copy of ‘My first dictionary’ to check out the meaning of the word but that wasn’t really her style. Anyway she’d already looked up one word today and that was a lot more than she normally would do. Instead she decided to fall back on her usual habit of just pretending to understand without actually bothering to do any research. After all reading had always proven difficult for Jayda who much preferred shouting and stomping.
So without further ado she hatched her cunning plan. She would hold a meeting at Owlsmoor and ask the wisest of birds what to ask. Then she’d ask the owls that – whatever it might be. And then everything would be alright, the Muzzies would leave, the Mosques would spontaneously combust, the lefties would shave and Britain would once again become ‘Top nation’. Oh how clever those owls must be.
At first everything went well. She sold a few cheap tickets to some fine, upstanding (and particularly white-looking) Snowy owls. Wonderful! She had the avian Master race on board! But soon things began to go wrong.
Other, less racially pure owls began to apply. There were Brown owls and Tawny owls and even Long-eared African owls sending in their feathery applications. This just wouldn’t do at all. Jayda only wanted to ask proper, racially superior white owls. No riff-raff allowed!
In a desperate attempt to persuade more Snowy owls to come and fill the 100 perch hall to capacity Jayda decided to throw in a bit of a disco. She even identified owl-friendly songs to play like ‘Rat trap’ and ‘Foul (Fowl) owl on the prowl’ but to no avail. Most of the Snowy owls were far too clever to support fascists and they simply refused to take the bait.
Some Snowies even decided to join their fellow owls, including the much-maligned Bearded lefty owls in a feathery demonstration outside the Owlsmoor Community Centre, Yeovil Rd., Owlsmoor, Sandhurst, GU47 0TD.
They even agreed to forego their usual hoots and cries of ‘Twit-twoo’ in favour of a single, unifying statement……
“They shall not pass!”
This diverse, ragtag gathering of birds, led by Berkshire (Owly) Antifascists, the wisest of all the woodland creatures, also got in touch with the venue’s management on 07789 647626 to express their avian displeasure.
It’s true, of course that Ms Franson’s Nazi group could only host a maximum of 100 fascists in Owlsmoor Community Hall (and they’d struggled to manage that) but even 100 would be too many so far as these wise old antifascist owls were concerned. However, being the kindly old owls that they are the antifascists did decide to help Jayda out by answering her questions.
Considering what this hapless, racist child should ask the owls decided that the most instructive question would be…
“Why is Britain First so unpopular?”
The answer to this question was, the owls reasoned, a bit too complicated for the intellectually challenged Ms Fransen to understand, even if she did have a copy of ‘My first dictionary’. So the wise old owls simplified it just for her….
“Because nobody likes childish, attention-seeking thugs who go around stirring up trouble.”
Just a quick update – 20/11/2014 – 2:30pm.
I think the screengrab from the Britain First Facebook page speaks for itself:
However if you’d like more detailed information click here and here.
‘Oh dear’, thought Jayda (she really has been doing a lot more thinking than she’s used to today).
“Oh well, never mind.” Hooted the owls.
And peace returned once again to the Hundred acre wood where all the ethnically diverse woodland creatures continued to live happily ever after.
Clearly all that hard thinking yesterday wore Jayda out because she certainly wasn’t thinking when she ignored the owls’ obvious lack of support for her racist conference and posted this:
So it seems the Nazi scumbags, fresh from their victorious by election campaign which won them a massive 0.14% of the vote, will be meeting to practice zeig-heiling after all. The plan seems to be for the Master race to muster at the station before legging it to a hitherto undisclosed location.
Hmmmm…. Don’t they realise that owls can fly (especially bearded lefty ones)?
Filed under: Britain First, Far right, Politics | Tagged: Britain First, conference, Jayda Fransen, Owls, Owlsmoor | Leave a comment »